I have always wanted to get a tarot card reading. My wonderful friend Ashton started her own online tarot card business called Loving Sea Tarot. I promptly scheduled a reading and what I got was a series of cards that completely connected to my life.
There are three cards and each of them are meant for a different part of your life.
Past, present and future.
My first card representing my past was the Five of Swords. This card represents the unhealthy situations I was put in. That I felt attacked and was constantly on the defense in my past. Five of Swords can also represent how my past issues can play a role in my present and future. Basically I need to let go of the way I get so defensive now due to my past. As Rafki says “The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”
This morning was rough. My anxiety was controlling every thought and feeling I had. I had a panic attack before a job interview. It felt like everything was falling apart and I would fail. The only thing that came to mind was, START YOGA EARLIER. If I started it earlier than this feeling of dread would be lifted sooner.
I decided to search Yoga with Adriene videos this morning and I am so glad I did. I found a wonderful routine made just for stress and anxiety! Could this be? Could I actually find some peace with this specific video? The answer to both are YES.
This post is all about rising up and battling those attacks.
Today I had a job interview. Something that would fit me perfectly regarding hours, pay and location. I was so nervous before hand that I had a complete meltdown. Sobbing for 3 minutes before I decided:
It was absolutely wonderful and the video I did was perfect. Afterwards I had a glass of water, got ready and promptly left for the interview.
Everything went great!
In a few days I should here back and see if I bagged the job. Once I arrived home I realized something, I survived. At one point this morning I felt like total shit. That I would fail or completely blow it. I was able to get up of the couch, do some yoga and have a great interview. I am functional and I wish that my brain could understand that. But while I am able to do all these things, I still have moments where I feel like everything is going to fall apart. Yoga gave me that clear head in order to continue to move in the direction of success.
I have been doing yoga everyday at 9 am for a few weeks now and I realized it is something that truly makes me feel centered. The routines go by faster than I thought they would with my favorite yoga routines. I do not feel that “ahhhh I wanna quit” in the middle of a routine. Its not your normal exercise. By the time I start, its like 20 minutes just FLYS by. Doing yoga daily is a huge commitment but who doesn’t have 10-20 free minutes a day? That small amount of time from your day could change you life.
It is important when you start doing yoga that you start off light. You have to build muscles and educate yourself on how yoga works. Pinterest is a great source for yoga education. The only thing you need to start is a yoga mat(thicker the better, teehee). With the help of youtube routines, doing yoga has never been easier.
I have been on a diet for about 2 weeks now. A lax one but getting rid of all sugar is insanely hard for me. I have a very strong sweet tooth and a passion for baking for my family. My favorite kind of recipes are the ones that are delicious and require very little ingredients. Pinterest is usually where I go to find these things. By simply putting in “3 ingredient cookies” you are provided with many options to choose from.
Most nights I am pretty good about laying meats out for dinner, but last night it was 5:50 pm when I realized that I had laid nothing out. I had no idea what I would cook! I franticly thought of everything I had in the fridge and realized I had some sausage and kale. Unsure of what to make with it, I was off to Pinterest.
I stumbled across a wonderful veggie soup recipe from Cookie and Kate. This a wonderful blog full of vegetarian recipes. I changed it up a bit and added sausage, used chicken broth instead.
It was a total mom win! My boyfriend and daughter loved it so much that they had seconds. I thought I had fucked up dinner and ended up making something that I will make over and over. Find the full recipe here.
Before getting started I figured I would first explain who I am, my routine and why I need the routine. Being a functional adult unfortunately does not come easy for me. For years I felt lazy and believed I would amount to nothing. A lot of these feelings stemmed from the opinion of others. Like at my graduation party, my boyfriend at the time told my mother and grandmother, “you know she will never do anything she says she’s going to do.”
My mother took me aside and told me what he said, explaining to me how wrong he was and that he was not a good boyfriend. I didn’t listen to her and held on to this awful opinion of me for over 10 years. I won’t get into how my other relationships have been, but they were abusive. I do not think I ever developed self acceptance. Which leads to years and years of bullying my own self. Nothing has ever been good enough to make me feel like I have worth.
I will be posting daily about my successes, mom wins, struggles, fears and my journey to wellness. I have implemented a lot of new routines into my life and my hope is to create a routine that gives me balance. A routine that can induce self acceptance. I struggle from Bipolar Disorder in rapid cycling, PTSD and extreme anxiety. Every single day is plagued with these monsters that attempt in every way they can to ruin my day and in the long run my life. I am 29 year old and have been dealing with this for as long as I can remember. The thoughts I had as a child about my self was not normal, but I had no way to know that until I matured.
I just want to share the things I do to keep me happy. I want to do this in order to help people and meet others that struggle or have once struggled like me. I will be posting other cool stuff such as recipes, yoga info, cool memes that make me laugh and much more. Future plans include full articles and interviews by friends of mine that battle mental illnesses as well or have a certain skill set I’d like to share. I hope that A Mindful Geek can become a place you frequently like to check in with.