I am not going to sit here and bad mouth my ex husbands but what I will do is give my experiences on how it feels to have 2 divorces behind me by 30.
I am 32 now and remarried to the most amazing man I have ever met. He is wonderful to me and my daughter, shows the most compassion I have ever seen in a human being. But no matter how much I wanted to marry him, I was scared. There were so many what if’s.
What if it ends like my other marriages?
What if he ends up hating me and leaves me?
What if he falls out of love with me after a year like the others?
Truth is my ex husbands never fell out of love with me. I left. I left because I was not happy and life is too short to be unhappy for years. Yes, I tried to fix it…in many ways. But nothing worked and I had to pack my bags for my daughter and for me. I couldn’t have her growing up in a household that didn’t show love for what it could be or what it really is.
There has been many others that have shamed me for having two divorces under my belt at 30, which is judgmental because they didn’t know my past or what I went through. I never had a good male influence in my life growing up, which means I never had a man show me what real love could be.
When one does not have this influence, they base their idea of a partner and love on what they have learned in their past. Thinking this is the best it could be. But as a lover of love, I strived for something different. Believing there was something different out there. And I was right. There are partners out there that will treat you with more love than you can ever imagine.
The only good reaction I have ever gotten was from a past coworker. When I told him I had been divorced twice he said, ” Good for you! You do not stay if you are not treated right. I respect that.” And this was coming from a man, when men usually judge me for leaving other men. Man code they said. Judging me for leaving their brothers.
I am bisexual and have been in relationships with women and I had no different of an experience. So this is not a shit on men post, this is a post about a woman who was confused on what she needed and deserved.
I hope this post puts others at ease that have gone through exactly or near what I have been through. I have been wanting to write this for a while but wasn’t sure what to say. This post wasn’t planned and I am just writing what is in my mind and heart so I hope that it does not come off as a jumbled mess.
Thank you for reading,