Where did Brittany go?
After 6 months of unemployment, hours of job searching and days of depression…I finally got a job. This came so abruptly that I started the very next day. I had no time to process any of it. I am 3 weeks in now and finally able to breathe. On top of being a mom, girlfriend, employee, blogger…I am also a full time student in college.
Keeping up with everything really had to take some time and A Mindful Geek had to go on the back burner until I caught up.
I feel as now I am caught up and ready to come back, but with a different set of rules.
I will only be doing a blog a week. Every Saturday I will sit down and write a blog, having it posted for you all on Sunday morning. So Sunday morning is your A Mindful Geek time! Write it down, bookmark it, schedule it.
I have seen so many of my fellow bloggers posting updates about the positive things that have been happening in their lives. I find this beautiful.
Life is so crazy and it is very hard to stop to think about the positives. Many times we can’t see any, even though they are there.
I decided to start doing my own version of the positive things that fill up my life. I will always list 9 things that are making me happy. It will not always be easy but it is good for me. For my growth and recovery.
I was surprised this morning to have a mention by Mrs Mummy Harris on Twitter saying that I have been nominated for The Blogger Recognition Award. I was shocked and so humbled. First off, I want to thank her from the bottom of my heart for recognizing my little blog.
A Mindful Geek is a few short days of being a month old. My main goal was to find a blogging community that will help me grow and encourage me. It really seems like I have found that now.
The rules are pretty simple.
1. Write a post to show your nomination.
2. Make sure to include a link and thank the blogger that has nominated you.
3. Tell us how your blog started.
4. Give two pieces of advice for new bloggers.
5. Select 15 other bloggers that you would like to nominate.
6. Comment on each blog and let them know that you have nominated them with a link to the post you created.
I was never cool. I have been and have always been a dork. What I am talking about is that cool girlfriend that doesn’t need to be texted several times a day, who doesn’t cry at the drop of a hat, the one that doesn’t need a lot of attention and is just a riot to hang out with.
An easy person to be around.
I wouldn’t say that I lied to him about who I was because on the contrary I was clear about how my bipolar gets in my way. But I think a little part of me wished that I could turn into the cool girlfriend this time. Let go of all those needy feelings and just be easy going.
I have always wanted to get a tarot card reading. My wonderful friend Ashton started her own online tarot card business called Loving Sea Tarot.
I promptly scheduled a reading and what I got was a series of cards that completely connected to my life.
There are three cards and each of them are meant for a different part of your life.
Past, present and future.
My first card representing my past was the Five of Swords. This card represents the unhealthy situations I was put in. That I felt attacked and was constantly on the defense in my past. Five of Swords can also represent how my past issues can play a role in my present and future. Basically I need to let go of the way I get so defensive now due to my past. As Rafki says “The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”
This post is all about rising up and battling those attacks.
Today I had a job interview. Something that would fit me perfectly regarding hours, pay and location. I was so nervous before hand that I had a complete meltdown. Sobbing for 3 minutes before I decided:
- I am going no matter what
- Doing my yoga early would relieve this
It was absolutely wonderful and the video I did was perfect. Afterwards I had a glass of water, got ready and promptly left for the interview.
Everything went great!
In a few days I should here back and see if I bagged the job. Once I arrived home I realized something, I survived. At one point this morning I felt like total shit. That I would fail or completely blow it. I was able to get up of the couch, do some yoga and have a great interview. I am functional and I wish that my brain could understand that. But while I am able to do all these things, I still have moments where I feel like everything is going to fall apart. Yoga gave me that clear head in order to continue to move in the direction of success.
Thanks for reading!
Before getting started I figured I would first explain who I am, my routine and why I need the routine. Being a functional adult unfortunately does not come easy for me. For years I felt lazy and believed I would amount to nothing. A lot of these feelings stemmed from the opinion of others. Like at my graduation party, my boyfriend at the time told my mother and grandmother, “you know she will never do anything she says she’s going to do.”
My mother took me aside and told me what he said, explaining to me how wrong he was and that he was not a good boyfriend. I didn’t listen to her and held on to this awful opinion of me for over 10 years. I won’t get into how my other relationships have been, but they were abusive. I do not think I ever developed self acceptance. Which leads to years and years of bullying my own self. Nothing has ever been good enough to make me feel like I have worth.
I will be posting daily about my successes, mom wins, struggles, fears and my journey to wellness. I have implemented a lot of new routines into my life and my hope is to create a routine that gives me balance. A routine that can induce self acceptance. I struggle from Bipolar Disorder in rapid cycling, PTSD and extreme anxiety. Every single day is plagued with these monsters that attempt in every way they can to ruin my day and in the long run my life. I am 29 year old and have been dealing with this for as long as I can remember. The thoughts I had as a child about my self was not normal, but I had no way to know that until I matured.
I just want to share the things I do to keep me happy. I want to do this in order to help people and meet others that struggle or have once struggled like me. I will be posting other cool stuff such as recipes, yoga info, cool memes that make me laugh and much more. Future plans include full articles and interviews by friends of mine that battle mental illnesses as well or have a certain skill set I’d like to share. I hope that A Mindful Geek can become a place you frequently like to check in with.
Thanks for reading,